We can never be loved enough. We can never receive enough love. To be loved is an insatiable desire—a need that can never fulfilled.

And yet, when we feel insecure and unfulfilled, we instinctually yearn to receive more love. But it doesn’t work. We don’t get the love we need. We don’t get enough love from our spouses. We don’t get enough love from our families and friends. We don’t get enough support from our communities. We don’t get enough support from our workplace. We can never receive enough love and support. It’s an insatiable desire, and so it can never be fulfilled. We have to start seeking fulfillment in another way. We have to turn our love around. There’s word in our parsha that teaches us what that means. There’s one word in our parsha that can guide us toward a more fulfilling life. This word can help save marriages, it can sustain friendships, it can keep families together, and it can build and strengthen a community. This word teaches us how love functions. Would you like to see the word?

Please open up your Eitz Chayim Chumashim, to page 138 and together we will receive guidance from the Torah about how love functions. Page 138. The background is, this is parashat chayei Sarah, “the life of Sarah.” Sarah dies at the very beginning of this portion. So, why is this portion still named after her if she’s not even around? The portion is named after her because her presence still looms. Long after her body leaves this world, her spirit still looms large. She is still very much present in her son Isaac’s heart. Let’s read this dramatic paragraph together beginning with chapter 24, verse 62.  Verse 67 reads; “Isaac then brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he took Rebekah as his wife. Isaac loved her, and thus found comfort after his mother’s death.” Here’s Isaac feeling this void in his life after his mother’s death. He’s feeling empty, unfulfilled, and insecure. In our modern conception of spiritual fulfillment, we contextualize the problem like this. Poor Isaac—he has no one left to love him. He longs to receive love, the way he received love from his mother. Only then can he begin to feel comfort and fulfillment once again. But let’s look at the verse more closely. It doesn’t fit into this framework about how love functions. What’s the problem? The Torah doesn’t say, “She loved him”! The Torah says, “He loved her. And in that simple word, with those two pronouns, we discover the ancient wisdom of our tradition. “Vaye’ehaveha” And he loved her. He loved her, and that’s how he ultimately found comfort, that’s how he became emotionally and spiritually fulfilled. He found comfort by giving love, not by receiving love. We know this. Deep within our souls, we know this. We know that to love is more satisfying than to be loved. We know that to love is more important that being loved. But, we forget and the Torah is reminding us.

A father sits and watches his young daughter playing with her favorite baby doll. The young girl is feeding her baby, burping her baby, dressing her baby in her favorite clothes. The father asks, “Who do you love more? Me or your doll?” What do you think she said? She loves her doll more because she gives love to her doll. She cares for the doll. She loves her doll. What does she do for her father? She only receives from her father. And so she feels more fulfilled by her doll more because she loves her doll more. That’s how to achieve fulfillment: by giving love, not by receiving love.

Another story: A man is considering relocating to a new town, so he finds out the name of the synagogue there, and he finds some people who had used to live there and were member of that very synagogue. He asks the first one, Moishe,  “Hey, what’s the community like over in that synagogue?” Moishe responds, “Well, it’s not really a welcoming place. I didn’t really have a good experience there. Totally unfulfilling.” He asks the second one, Chayim, “Hey what’s the community like over in that synagogue?” Chayim responds, “Oh, you’re gonna love it! It’s warm, it’s welcoming, it’s just a wonderful, wonderful community. Totally fulfilling.” He goes to his Rabbi to explain the discrepancy. “Rabbi, how come Moishe hated it and Chayim loved it so much?”  “Ahh”, says the Rabbi. “Moishe is a taker. He went to the Synagogue, paid his dues, crossed his arms and expected people to start jumping. He never gave, and so he was left unfulfilled. Chayim, on the other hand, is a giver. He jumped right in, learned how to read Torah, joined the Men’s Club, started a Tzedakah project . . . Chayim became fulfilled through the act of giving. The Rabbi continued and said, “Go and give to your community.”

There are congregants here who have acquired this sense of fulfillment because of their love for Brith Shalom. The members who are here the most, the members who give of themselves the most, the members who spend their time thinking about this place, are the ones who are Giving works. Those who only look to receive can never be satisfied. Receiving creates more and more need. It’s counterintuitive. It is only through giving that we can be fulfilled.

Ribono shel Olam, guide us to walk in the footsteps of Isaac. Isaac. Isaac found fulfillment when he gave his love to Rebecca. Source of all, M’kor Hachayim, You have given us the ability to find fulfillment in our lives. Thank you for your gifts, and allow us to give all the love that we have to our families and to our communities. Help us give love so that we may sense the Gedulah of the Sekhina, the magnitude of Your Presence. And together let us say: amen. 

© Ranon Teller

Sermon Classification: 28B

Key Words: Isaac, Sarah, giving and receiving love, taking action, personal fulfillment